“The state of being open to injury or appearing as if you are”
Few years from now I believed that being vulnerable makes you weak. It makes you weak in the eyes of people around you and makes you an object of ridicule. In order to stand firm and be confident therefore you need to defy being weak and continuously show your perfect side to the world to the point they can criticize nothing about you. What I did not understand though that by constantly putting up a facade (which feels the easiest thing to do) not only I saw everyone with an eye of judgement, I was constantly judging myself as well. “I am not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough and so on”
The thing about being perfect is; you want to control everything, not just things that happen to you but also what emotions you feel afterwards. I wanted to numb the feelings of grieve sadness and despair because these are the feelings that make you vulnerable they make you weak. but the thing about emotions is ( what i took years to understand) that you can’t subjectively numb emotions. You cant choose to numb the bad emotions and choose to only feel the good ones. you also numb the good emotions of happiness, contentment, fulfillment, the ones that make life worth living for. You cant feel them anymore and ultimately you want to escape reality because you find no meaning in living your life. Thus we find ourselves, stuffing ourselves with banana muffins,beer, cigarettes etc
The point I am trying to make here is that in putting control over every thing that happen to us we are defying the very true nature of life; it doesn’t follow us we follow it. in accepting our lives and ourselves as not perfect; we accept others as not being perfect as well. we become a better friend, a better partner, a better parent. and above all for once we become less demanding of ourselves, within our relationships and from our kids. instead of telling them they need to secure the highest grade and become the best in tennis. we tell them no matter who you are and what grade you take, you deserve to be loved because you are worthy of it. A thing all kids need to hear.